would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
