Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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