Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
