YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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