just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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