Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
