Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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