I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We got so high we made milksteak
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
