Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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