I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
