Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
