If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
