just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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