guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
