You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This baby is an asshole
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
