PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
