Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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