I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
