I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
