It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
