then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
