i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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