Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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