She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
