Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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