Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
