I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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