Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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