Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Life is so much better after having sex.
my being single is dangerous.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize