everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
