Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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