this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's the barista slut.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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