you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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