i just had sex bonerless
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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