Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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