my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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