ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
