Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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