Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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