All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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