i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Randomize
