I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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