If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
4 words: hood of his car
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
