Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I party with great urgency now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
