Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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