ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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