i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
