my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
