Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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