You can't special order awesome
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
