I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
