I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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