Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
