I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Farmville is her only friend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There are leaves in my underwear?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
