Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize