Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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