Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You can't motorboat a personality
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
