I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
