it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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