WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
