just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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