Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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