The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
