How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
