At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
