Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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