You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
