1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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